Michigan. Decision made.

August 10, 2010

To be fleet in the fleeting moment of life on Earth

I believe it’s Tuesday, 11 AM

I rode quite a ways yesterday, I was on the bike by 9 am and stopped at 6 pm. I think I got more mechanical problems coming my way. The clutch has been doing funny stuff since Montreal. I had asked the mechanic there and after we did the oil change it was a bit better so I just crossed my fingers.

Oh boy… yes I knew… I knew that would come. I always know this stuff in advance, an instinct of sorts and I should have confronted it last week when Jim kept asking about “any other problem I should know about” , but my vision can get so narrow some times because of money and worry, I just go blind and can’t even remember that something was up. Then I figure that crossing my fingers will do. Maybe it’s just that I am tired and somewhat under the weather and dizzy, but right now the road ahead seems long, the possible difficulties overwhelming.

And maybe it’s because all these people are asking me what my plans are “when I get home” and I don’t have a home. Don’t get me wrong I’m not worried about finding a place to stay. Or worried because I don’t have one… It’s mostly that I still don’t know where home will be and I am terrified of making the wrong choice. As if this is all my last chance.

The road has unleashed the wild horse in me. Halfway down to California I realized how “dead” I had been for so long. And I cried and laughed and screamed under that helmet and I rejoiced as I felt that long standing chill in my bones melt away. Halfway down across the continent I saw again that I could face anything. I could be in the moment. I could forgive and move on.

Now, I’m up in Alma, Michigan, at my friend Stormy’s house (remember the biker I met in Texas?) I ponder and I am worried…
that clutch, that front tire, that ache in my heart.
My bike feels tired, it worries me. But then I’ve noticed that when I am tired the bike feels tired too. Will it take me all the way West before the snow comes and the money runs out? Jim said it would.

Oh and I just found out that it’s actually Monday… wow.

6 PM.

I decided to hit the road. What else is there for me to do. I pack up the bike. Roll it out in the driveway (It had a night in a garage last night) suit up, hugs and go. I head out on 127 North then 10 East. There is a big ball in my stomach. Every time I think I have that ball of pain handled it comes back to let me know it’s still kicking. It’s stupid I guess. But at least I am not bothering anyone else with my emotionality.

I am rolling down this road, Monday evening, there is no one out. I see a baby deer, just like Bambi. Then I see 4 or 5 deer a little further down the road, running away back in the woods, their white tails flashing.

There are way too many dead racoons on the side of the road, frozen in postures of pure agony, arms up as if to ward off the pain of the collision, mouths open in a last scream. Sometimes their eyes are open in a shocked expression other times they are closed. And sometimes they are not racoons, sometimes they are someone’s cat. I wonder how we can so easily kill life without an afterthought. I send little prayers to these brutalized souls when I see them.

The sun courses down across the sky and the clouds wear the colors of dusk. It’s always the same story but it’s always so beautiful, so redeeming, a redemption of sorts for our human existences.

There is no wind tonight. I have been floating in a thoughtful trance my mind miles away from earth. Oblivious to the scenery, the locale. I could be anywhere. I ride, I let the forward motion erase me. I thank the Gods for the gift of this “now” which is the chance to exist un-tied. Un-owned. Even if it’s just for a little while.

I get to my destination Ludington, which where a ferry will take me to the other side of Lake Michigan. Out towards and into the West. Leave the crowded counties, cities and towns of the East for the great wide open.

I have made my decision regarding my itinerary just before leaving today, after getting an email and after having a conversation with my Stormy. I will head out to Sturgis. A massive motorcycle rally in South Dakota. I could be there in 3 days. Alice in Chains is playing on the 13th. I really, really want to see them. This could be something to remember forever. Imagine: on my own in this town that swells and overflows with 500 thousand other bikers… Sturgis is a sort of yearly re-occurring hard core Woodstock on two wheels and deafening engines.

I’ll keep you posted. In the mean time : I ride.

notice the new windshield made by Jim


3 Responses to “Michigan. Decision made.”

  1. Daneille…I have read your every post since our meeting in Oregon…I’m the walker, now in Denver heading to Key Weat.

    I met bikers a few days ago hgeading for Sturgis . I told them about you and that I believed you WOULD reach Sturgis in time. They are on the lookout for you. Their name is Ken and Thersa Enerke…may not have Ken’s last name spelled right, but know someone is on the lookout for you…a long shot for certain, but nice to know you are not a lone.

  2. Myrna Jacobs Says:

    You are just missing us. The ride across the lake should be cool! Dan did it once with an old (and small) Harley…in 1967 or so. Now the boats are all fancy.

    I wish you could have stopped but now we are in Grand Rapids for a few days. If you are near here do call or stop.

    1873 Thornapple River Drive. Grand Rapids. We are fixing up this house to rent or sell so it’s a bit upside down but we’d love to see you.

  3. Alan Says:

    “Oh and I just found out that it’s actually Monday… wow.”

    Save the blogs for a book !!

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