Today, tomorrow, Chris…

September 8, 2010

My shoulders were tense, contracted, resisting the cold that seeps through my perforated jacket. At odd intervals I take a brusque deep breath along with a whimper, like the sort you take when you jump in a pool of cold water. It’s dark already, around 7 something. The traffic flows smoothly on the I 15 North. It’s Tuesday night, after the long week-end. There is a resignation in the air. People are quiet on the road. Steady. Pensive. No wild moves or speed demons. I am going a steady 5500 RPMs in fifth gear. The instruments glow. Again I think of Jim putting those light bulbs in there. There is comfort in that orange glow. Some residues of pink and purples trail in the sky towards the west framing the already black mountains that surround us.

I feel good in the midst of this. Wind, road, engine whine. Untethered. The leather covers me, protects me, the vibrations of the combustion through all four cylinders has a rhythm that I know now, a rhythm that has taken root in every cell of my body. A rhythm that I now need .

To have been granted all this along the timeline of my life… Sometimes I still can’t believe the miles that are now behind me. The infinite shades of green, of grey, of white, of gold… The sunsets, the winds, the fears and the victories, the exhaustion, the redemption.

Today I learned today that one of my favorite people in the world, my best friend and practically brother was hurt really badly at a track day in Oregon. My heart cries. We chatted on Facebook “I’m OK” he says

He was flown in emergency back to Canada. He was riding his Ducati. He said she bit the track and he went flying. He said she was a bitch. He’s not going to sell it. He’ll be better in 3,4 months. He’s not going to ride anymore in 2010. Next year he will.

He said many times he was OK.

I got a knot in my throat thinking about it. I love you Chris. What else can I say? I love you and you are in my heart and soul and you better get better and be whole again….

Shit, I’m crying now.

Man and Machine. Speed. The taste of the impossible.

Today I thought of Montana.

Today I listened to music I made a few years ago and music I made a few months ago.

Today I was made to think of the fate of this universe. Our place in it. Of the Matrix. Of how to stay out of it.

Tonight I rode.

Not really far, but enough to feel the magic.

That moment that we call our lives, sprinkling downwards hurriedly, shiny sand in the hourglass. A moment captured. Enjoyed. Felt.

Alive.

I will be back in Altadena tomorrow. I will practice mostly. I have 3 performances coming up.

I want to be rock solid so I can sing it all.
Give it all.
Give all I got.

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One Response to “Today, tomorrow, Chris…”

  1. steveslaughter Says:

    It is good that Chris will recover. She fell also. As in so much of life, if she is treated carelessly, you may BOTH be hurt.


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