… then crashing, getting back up and in the race again.

October 1, 2010

At one point I did not know what the hell was going to happen. Were we done? Kaput?

The plan was to record as many guitars as we could. All day. Perry is usually not an early riser so I took to doing editing stuff in the mornings in order to keep progressing.

I got up, did some yoga, ate, washed my hair in the kitchen sink and went to work editing vocals. I’m weary but good. I usually slowly rev up to cruising speed over a couple of hours. I am waiting for Perry to get started on guitars.

Perry walks in, he’ll have to take some calls he said. No problems. So we don’t start on guitars, we work on fixing some vocals for about 20 minutes when the phone rings. He goes out. I go back to editing. He comes back in, I give him the seat back at the console. There is confusion because we all have our own ways of organizing tracks and files and this is the second time we go back and forth and it can get really dense when you have 30 some tracks at different stages of recording staring back at you. “Gotta re-take this one”… I’m in the booth, we start, I sing some lines, the phone rings. “Gotta take this call” He walks off. It’s around 12 or 1 PM

Well I don’t want to sound like a diva but maybe I am one… but this on-off thing is hard for me. It is so intense… How to explain how intense this whole process is… each song is like an emotional box. Each take demands presence of mind and heart. I sat on the floor for a minute to just to try and let the gathered energy to dissipate. Breathe. Don’t get upset.

I walk back in the control room and start editing again, instead of sitting around, and I can’t find the parts I recorded earlier… my pressure starts to rise as the time taken to record those parts, the energy it takes to perform them, then the work of putting it all together, that time will never come back. Now the microphone I was using to record is not ready to use and this system is about 50 times more complex than what I use personally : mixers, busses, inputs, outputs, outboard gear, and more hardware than I can name, so a simple thing like “which output should this mic be in to record” becomes impossible. On top of that I am feeling every minute slip by unused.

A long time goes by. Around 3 PM I finally decide to go in the kitchen and eat something. He walks back in:

“Lets work”.


We sit at the console and it does not take five minutes and everything goes to hell. We’re arguing. We both go in a different direction.

I go sit outside. I’m really, really trying hard to find the ground. The calm. My insides are in a knot, my emotions just swirling. I feel like a fool, I feel hurt. I feel like I should have handled everything better. But I did not. I went back in and continued editing the vocal part. At least that is something I can grasp.

When that is done I go back outside. The sun is on the horizon. I feel lost. I look at my “contacts” on my phone, I try to call a friend. No answer. In a way it’s probably better, I don’t want to be a baby and cry my troubles to get a pat on the back. Heck the luck of me to be doing what I am doing, I have no right to complain…

In front of me it’s beautiful, horses graze in the distance. I count about 11 tractors of different vintages in the neighbor’s field. I hear a rooster. At my feet ants go at a mad pace in erratic courses. Like us.

Breathe. When I walk back in the air is frigid. Oh God. I feel like I want to go sleep forever. Forget. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is as far as it will go. It was a worthy effort.

He takes off, said he’s going to the corner store.

It’s now around 7 PM. I figure I might as well get something to eat. I have leftovers, put them in the microwave. The door opens.

“Hi there” it’s Kathy, Randall’s wife. Randall owns the building. “I had this mail here for Perry, I started to open it, didn’t mean to, it’s just that Randall’s name was on it…”

It was the FEDEX bill for shipping the guitar.

“How is it going? You guys are like hermits here” Kathy says.

I’m trying to say something neutral but I know she knows something is up, she is a woman, she feels these things. So I say something about working hard, about all the good stuff we got and also about feeling the pressure of time, deadlines, flying back and trying to have it all done. Then, kind of out of the blue she offered me to take a shower at her house. The
“I don’t know about you, but I can only go so far without a shower” she says.

There is no shower in the studio. We are Thursday and the last time I had one was Sunday. The goodness. I feel tears welling up.

“Oh yeah, that would be good… thanks…. I’m going to cry” I said.

“well it’s just a shower…” she says deprecatingly.

Yeah it’s just a shower but above all, she cared and out of the blue she walks in when I felt so discombobulated, isolated. She was my angel sent to me today, to show me the way, to let me know all is well. The Gods are still around. They have not left the building.

I went in and let the water run over me carrying a couple of tears along down to the drain, back to the ocean.

I thanked them, Kathy and Randall who had just come home from work, then walked back to the studio. My dinner still sitting in the microwave was lukewarm and I ate it too fast. I made a coffee.

We agree to continue. We bring up Sweet Night for a Ride. Perry does his producer job brilliantly, steering me towards the right notes, feels, timing. I lay down some rhythm tracks, some leads.

It kicks ass. We go to bed at 2:30 AM.

We’re still rocking. We’re still on.


2 Responses to “… then crashing, getting back up and in the race again.”

  1. steveslaughter Says:

    Breathe… inhale, exhale… inhale, exhale…

    I don’t know if I was able to breathe, reading this.

  2. linda kingston Says:

    Hello danielle,
    take a deep breathe, you will get through this you are one tough women!! sounds like you need to go to STARBUCKS! i am thinking of you everyday, still reading your blog.
    i hope everything works out, im sure it will. So whats next….. where will you go…….where will you end up? you probably dont know that answer yet only time will tell.

    good luck to you, lots of love coming your way

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