Vrrrrrr…..

October 4, 2010

The days have melded into a massive amount of work. I have not left the studio building since last Wednesday. I have been relentless.

By the road map, I am on target.

I feel my body falling apart, resenting me and my knuckle headed will. At one point today as I was recording harmonies my voice just started to warble uncontrollably.

Shit.

12 noon. I have a list of 6 songs to compile, possibly re-sing, harmonize in 2 or 3 parts. In short the work I am doing today is the music that will make it to the final tracks. I started to sweat. Got one more day, tomorrow and that is supposed to be guitar day… this singing stuff takes time. Gigantic oodles of energy. And functional vocal cords… I have to get this done today but I can’t stress out… You can’t sing worth a lick if you are stressed…

I went into the kitchen saying “Damn, can’t have this… can’t have this.” It’s pretty dark in there, no lights on, curtains on all windows. I see this nectarine on the counter, I eat it. I go back. Fruit is always nice on the throat.

Got back on the microphone. Sing baby. Sing.

It agreed.

Geeeeezus, that scared me.

I worked, sang, edited, relentlessly. I am the kind of producer that says to myself : “ No, not good enough. No. Do it again. No. Again. Do it again. And again”. I am a tyrant.

At 14 minutes to seven PM I sang the last note of the six songs on the agenda. I had told Perry I’d work until seven. I had sent him out on a day off. I can’t tyrannise him. I burst out crying, i had done it. Made the target. Then he walked in.

“How’s it goin’?” He asks

“Really good. I just finished. What movie did you see?”

“Resident Evil, 3D, it was really well done, with Jojovich or whatever her name is, a franchise… Big budget.”

“Hmmm, hmm that is very cool.”

As we’re chit chatting in my heart this is what is going on : “OMG. I did it”.

This music… I don’t know that I could really explain what it takes. What it demands and what it gives… This whole thing feels like it was a chance given to me by the Gods themselves. They had a staff meeting and said :

“All right, lets give the girl a chance… if she fails that will be good drama to watch, if it works well, we did good…” You know God talk. Like they did it all. Or maybe they gambled on it, had wagers…

I was going to go out for dinner, see the world a bit, but after going back and forth with Perry about where to go and not knowing where to go and how bad everything is I just decided to make something of what was left in the fridge.

Self sufficiency.

I looked out the door while the pasta boiled. Have not seen the color of the day at all. It’s dark by now. But there is color : bright gold, orange and yellows. Randall and Kathy were having a bond fire in the yard.

I eat my dinner and go sit outside. See some humans for a change. They tell me they are celebrating their 37th wedding anniversary in a few days. I ask Kathy how she met Randall.

She tells me about meeting him in High School. How indifferent she was. She was blond, a dancer, lean, beautiful, independent. She told me how he was following her in his car when she walked back home from school in a lime green Barracuda with black broken stripes. Told me how he showed up at her door one day when he broke up with the girlfriend he was dating at the time, he was trying to talk but he was so nervous that his mouth had dried right up. She had to go get him a glass of water for him to be able to ask her out.

Thirty sever years… Two battles with cancer later and a whole lot of living in between… They are still together. As one. I was really moved by her humility, her playfulness, by the way she smiled while recounting some details, her unconditional love. Her humanity.

Gotta get back to work.

“You don’t have to rush off..” she says. I spend a few more moments by the hot flames. Gotta go now. Hugs. See you tomorrow…

Tonight, two more song to harmonize and one of them is a rocker, my voice is taxed and I know it. Somehow I found more energy. I’ve said that before but I’m always amazed at our capacity to find more “juice” to power up, to go deeper.

At midnight I start the song Criminal Girl. The music’s pace is pedal to the metal. The lead vocal I have to harmonize to is also pedal to the metal and I did not record it thinking I was going to sing harmonies to it, so it’s all over the place… It took an hour and a half.

“No. Again. Nope. How can you do the same mistake three times in a row! Almost. Again…”

I just finished.

I am in awe. Today I went through all of the songs. 12 of them. I can’t quite grasp it all. I can’t even yet quite get that I wrote all this music. That I carried this project through.

From being “signed” to being “dumped”
To seeing all the musicians all leave after the first day of recording because the producer had run away in the middle of the night.
To finding money and get the musicians back to finish the tracks.
To major upheavals with Perry.
To not knowing if there would be a studio to work in.
To being pretty much a homeless, guitarless, motorcycle girl and recording an album???
To the email that said : Lets do it, there is time and facilities to do so.
To booking the flight.
To working my ass off and doing my part of the job without whining.

But if this is all illusion then I am the dreamer of it so I am the one in control.

If this is God’s will… well, he did say to “help yourself and the rest will follow” (this is not verbatim but I believe but you get the gist)

If I am part of a fabric and a fate that is not mine to decide then the only thing I can control is how I react to it. When you think about it, you can’t lose.

Tomorrow… well for you it’s going to be today, Monday. So Monday is going to be another huge day. Guitar day. Gotta do the final solos, rhythm guitars, main guitars, parts guitars for 4 songs. Some small, some bigger. All important in the great puzzle of multi-tracking.

I’ll get to play my beautiful PRS.

All righty. 2:30 AM. Still wired, but gotta get to bed, catch some ZZZs and be ready for the final tracks with Leo watching on.

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2 Responses to “Vrrrrrr…..”

  1. Erika Says:

    Holy moly shkoly, is not a word but it seems to fit in response to this post and where you are in the grand scheme of things….

    You know by now that you are are not alone on this venture since your friends are moving with you on this

    I love you and am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited about this album

    let’s head to cbc when you get home, can I be your agent on this side of Canada?

    let’s contact Hawksley Workman, I think I might be remotely related…..

    e

  2. Al Says:

    Hmmmmm…’Gigantic oodles’, I want some


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