Lower RPMs

December 2, 2010

The computer arrived all banged up.

When I had dropped it off to be shipped at Canada Post I asked the lady if she had “fragile” stickers.

“Yes we do”

After the transaction was done she picked up the box with the computer inside, walked to the back office and I heard a pretty loud THUMP. That was how she set down my “fragile” item.

I cringed. I had to let it go, cross my fingers and hope for the best. That was two weeks ago. Two days ago I opened the shipping box. The diagnostic : a broken case fan, a halfway unhinged hard drive, a CPU fan ripped out of the motherboard that landed on the graphics card. So far I don’t know if my graphics card is toast or if the motherboard will work at all.

In hindsight, I should have taken the computer on board the plane with me, out of its shipping box, held tight against my heart, in my arms and fought for it with my life. As we all know hindsight is 20/20.

I need this baby to work because we got things to do. Graphics, music… In the mean time I have learned about VTMS clips for 775 CPUs, heat sink compound and learned about the bad things push pins can cause for a motherboard. I get to sound like a total geek.

It’s late, 1:20 AM. I got up late this morning because I had too much fun on Tuesday night : awesome company, great food, superior beer, and irrefutable grooves from Groove Session. Since I pretty much never drink, a third of a beer had me going pretty good, laughs, fun and cheer were all present. We were celebrating at The Press restaurant in Claremont, CA. …what were we celebrating? … well there were a lot of toasts… glasses clinked, eyes met, voices rose joyfully…

Last night’s magic got me thinking about things today. I keep wondering where this whole adventure will take me. I owe a lot of learning to the two people who are welcoming me in their home right now.

Tonight I went out for a walk under the San Dimas night sky after spending 7 hours at the computer translating the commercial achievements of a Japanese farmer (don’t ask) I kept looking at my shadow stretching and shrinking under the pale orange glow of the street lights. who is the owner of the shifting shadow? Where is she going? What will she achieve? What is the plan for her? This lone rider…

This one street light on Arrow… every time I walk under it, it extinguishes… It did it again tonight. Maybe it’s some sort of sign, maybe it’s a bad bulb, maybe it’s just timing. Some sort of cosmic coincidence that makes that light go off as I walk by. Maybe it goes off all night long.

Who, what, where, how… define yourself. Define your goals, your heart’s desires, your fate’s twists and turns.

I think there is something I must see that I am not quite seeing yet.

For a moment, as I was walking the tall shadow was it. Free, complete, loose. Calm. Self-contained.

Honestly, I don’t know where I am going right now. Where is this life taking me. There certainly are immense joys. Immense gifts. Not necessarily by “size” but by their depth. Plus, the sun shines, the blue skies, the warmth, the incredibly beautiful lights and colors at sundown… they fill me with an undescribable emotion…

Is patience still my lesson? I’m still working on it.

So for all the “where the hell and what the hell and who the hell” moments, life is coursing sweetly right now, at lower RPMs but still moving, en route towards Christmas and the celebration of light and renewal. I’m starting to relish the arrival of 2011.

But believe me, I am endlessly thankful for what I brought into 2010.

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One Response to “Lower RPMs”

  1. Erika Says:

    Something beyond everything you desire is perhaps what you sense yet what is the landing, the ride, the journey of letting go leading to?

    When I listen to the first to second track on The Alien Suite and the last track which are bookends for many questions, thoughts and comments I think there is an answer there.


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