Remembering a promise to self

February 16, 2011

reservoir on the road to Mount Baldy

I have now set up my recording gear. I have sound and recording tools. Tears rolled down my face. My beautiful headphones, my Audio Technica microphone, but also remembering the past, connecting it to the future, reuniting with the tools that allow me to express… Things… Memories… Turning on the SAW Studio software and seeing the wave files appear, stream by and the meters danced to the rhythm of the sounds. It was emotional.

It brought back the memories of a time when all this was there, all the time, then was gone and now is back again. A circle. Again.

Then I remembered the promise I had made myself after my life came down to a pile of ashes in 2009.

I had promised myself that the main, no, the sole reason for me to exist was to create.

I am a creator and that is what I do. I had promised myself to bring to the world some specific projects, one was the solo album that is now about to be done. An other was to rework some of the instrumental music I had composed for plays and record them to have on an album of instrumental music. It was on my 2010 list, was supposed to happen after the completion of the album… There has just been a slight delay in time.

The promise was about organizing my life so it would be all about creating. Facilitate that. Music, writing, sculpture, whatever medium it happens to be. If it wants to exist then do it. Most everything else is but a distraction.

Remembering that promise suddenly gave me hope. Purpose. I have been a bit shaky these last few days… Lost, momentarily blind.

Then, flooding back in my mind was the setting I had imagined the promise would take place in…. And, surprise, surprise… I am right here… the sun, the endless riding season, the great open spaces… Looks like I actually am on track… Why did I feel so lost?

Tonight, the moon is big and glowy, trying to shine through and fighting the clouds that are seriously starting to pile up as rain is coming to California.

So I took the bike out.

Beowulf

I rode quietly. Some days I get on the bike and ride hard and fast. Other days I just want to be out, on the bike, between the earth and the skies, gliding. Hear the engine. My Beowulf, I love it more and more and more. It is so solid. My protector.

“Don’t worry about the How, just imagine what you want things to be like, feel them, give them life in your soul, see them happening.” That is what Mike Dooley said. Yeah, right. Gotta follow this advice as the “How” will choke you to death.

Wow. If I can only remember that my job in this life is to be in and enjoy the present immediate moment, I will get to the light.

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2 Responses to “Remembering a promise to self”

  1. Steve Slaughter Says:

    BRAVO!

  2. Marsha Morgan Says:

    I’ve known Mike Dooley for many years. Sounds like the Universe has been taking good care of you…


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