The random crossing of our paths

July 22, 2011

Back and forth.

Here and there.

The wind tugs at my jacket like a drunk wanting to brawl.

Come on, come on…

All this life whispers inside my head, the tales, the secrets, the magic and the fearsome stories.

One goes back “home” and there, one faces the primary matrix. The origin, where one came from.

Ambivalence. Joy and pain.

Open fields and night runs, birds, horses, fireflies. Punches in my heart, screams in the void. They will always be. My history, what and who forged me as I am now.

The bike roars against the wind, gravity. The bike is the temple. As the tension, the hurt start to glide away along my limbs. A deep breath, another. The smells of fresh cut grasses, flowers and weeds. Calls to angels to show me the way. I surrender to you, I cannot find the answer alone. Yes the road cuts a straight, unchangeable path in concrete and rocks but there are other roads that matter more than the physical ones.

I come to find peace about 100 KM down the road at 90 MPH on two wheels, unprotected, tied to the earth by a subtle twin point of contact between rubber and tarmac, one hand on the bars, the heat of the engine wrapping itself along my legs, the coolness of the coming evening insinuating itself through the perforations of the leather, the engine boring relentlessly into the unknown, pushing ahead in a constant forward motion. Moving stillness.

To love them so much and yet to find the distance between us so impossible to conquer. All the conditions I have not met. All the things I will “never be forgiven for”, all the expectations I failed to meet.

What can I do about that? Nothing. Forgiveness is all there is in this world. Other than that it’s war, cold or bloody, war and bitterness. A perpetual misunderstanding. If my mis-steps can’t be forgiven, then, that makes me guilty forever and for that I cry in front of your locked and closed front door.

Life is the chance we’re given to forgive and to love. A human life, a line that goes on as time ticks. I apologize for all my mistakes, the ones I was aware of and the ones I was not aware of. I know I stand here judged. But actually at this point I don’t care what the judgments against me are, what griefs, what long forgotten slight are held against me. All I know is that I love you. I am clumsy and oh so imperfect. My timing usually fails my best intentions and I know I unsettle you by my ways and choices. But that will never change the love I have.

The road will call me again and again. I need to be out in the open, vulnerable and impregnable at once perched on the edge of the cliff detached from the comforts and discomforts of what we call reality. I leave it all in the hands of fate. I don’t expect anyone to understand that. I just hope I can share my love.

We are one. So it does not matter where, whence I am or came from and what I do or what you think. We are one, we always were, always will be. I wish you peace, I wish you love.


5 Responses to “The random crossing of our paths”

  1. David Says:

    You are fine the way you are, we are the ones who fall short.

  2. Bruce Maynard Says:

    Daniel…I like your latest post very much. May I quote you & post it on my Blog: facebook: “SAM & ME” ?

    I have finally reached ( walking ) Key West, Florida…Peace Arch via Los Angeles, Phoenix, El Paso, New Orleans, Cape Canaveral, Miami…now I walk back to Oklahoma City…then we shall see. Have walked over 8,000 miles since you and I met in the Oregon High Desert a year ago July.

    Bruce Maynard

    • yes of course you can quote this post. It is always so good to hear from you. I cannot imagine what walking 8000 miles must feel like. It is amazing. congratulations on keeping your quest going. we are on parallel courses, I wish you love too.

  3. Lévis Bergeron Says:

    I had an epiphany a few years ago… ”engulfed in a brillant light… I received the message that we are loved beyond measure, that we are perfect the way we are, that we are in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing…
    and all that really mattered is what are our intentions and where do we place our attention… ”
    may the force be with You!

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