Let it take you there.

October 26, 2011

I flipped through this tabloidy news paper called 24Hr, one of those free rags that have proliferated over the last few years in Canada.  I always find fun ready the horoscopes trying to find some sort of divine coincidences.

Today it said : “Sometimes you have to let the current take you, rather than fight to exhaustion.  You could end up at a better destination.”

It was so timely I shed a tear.  I was hit earlier today with upsetting news, a financial matter I wasn’t expecting and brings unwanted stress….  and of course this is the sort of unsettling event that becomes the springboard for a full on deep dive into the murky waters of insecurity, fear and self loathing.

Oh my guilt.  The guilt to exist, to be alive, to take too much room or not fit in.  Too big, too small, never good enough.  Can one ever feel peace inside this human hide?

Oh this world.  All the rules, the walls, the conventions and shoulds and woulds and the vast crater between what one wishes and what is.

Sometimes life seems as pointless as plowing a patch of high desert.  First the horse dies at the plow from dehydration and malnutrition then the farmer kills himself because  he can’t feed the family.  But then I’ve been in the desert and I’ve seen what 3 drops of water can do.   Implausible miracles happen.  Myriads of very tiny plants come to life, barely visible and bloom,  impossibly beautiful.  Poignant.  Irrefutable power of life.

 

out of a seemingly dead twig springs beauty

 

Maybe then, our tears allow for desert flowers to bloom and blow our minds, maybe it’s all worth it.

 

 

The temperatures are diving down, I will need a winter coat, I will have to put the bike away, life has definitely taken the curve and is now coming out of it on a new vector.  It means I’ll have to store the bike very soon for the winter.  I’ll be walking.  I’ve not “not had a vehicle since I was 20 and I’ve never stored my bike.  Since I’ve had one, it’s always been there for me to ride, rain or shine.

No bike, think of that. The faithful partner in hibernation, tucked away.  I am just hoping for the thermometer to stay above freezing for at least this coming mid November week end… I am planning to go to Montreal for the SMIM, an event for independent musicians with conferences and workshops. I actually managed to get into a stage-presence workshop presented by the Cirque du Soleil people. But that is 18 days away. We could have snow between now and then. I am wishing for a warm week end so I can brazenly zoom one last time down some sort of highway before putting Beowulf to sleep for the next 3, 4 months…  OMG…

 

Otherwise, I have been busying myself trying to get out of this non-existence state I’m in right now. I have entered 3 songwriting contests : the John Lennon contest, the Song of the Year contest and the Radio Star talent search. The songwriting contests have these dreamy grand prizes of gear, equipment, home studio deluxe set-ups… winning that would be like making any music geek drool with envy, the ultimate music rig come true. There is also music industry connections to be made… this would be welcome to say the least.

 

The Radio Star contest is going to require fan voting in order to get into the top 50, a popularity contest of sorts for which I’ll have to beg and plead for votes from my friends, your friends, their first and last born and everyone in between along with any long lost half cousins living in the Netherlands or the No Man’s land.  In short : anyone, everyone with an internet connection…

Details to come.

I’ve also signed up for a songwriter’s conference at the Canadian Music Week in Toronto in March. Hopefully I’ll learn something, be inspired, fired up and maybe I can make some meaningful connection. So far my attempts to find gigs in this town (besides the open-mics)  have failed miserably, falling on deaf ears, vanishing in email inboxes or drowned in the void of some voice mail account that no one answers.

 

I’ve been practicing my guitar a lot though, I even managed a few days with 4 hour plus sessions last week, the callouses on my left hand fingers are getting deep and polished. I’ve be reworking some songs, tunes I had written with the band Leoffenders and this has been going well.

 

And on a separate but very actual stream, I’ve also been dreaming of buying this South American hand knitted wool hoodie that must be a half inch thick from this hippy dippy store with Indian, Nepalese and South American clothing and incense. It bears cool old fashioned knitted designs and the inside is covered in soft, plushy, fuzzy material. They wanted $100 for one of those…  that was too much…  then last week the store posted a 20% off sale sign in the window… Maybe it’s time to go get it, no matter how light the wallet is because the temperatures are supposed to drop below freezing this Thursday and I could smile, all toasty inside my hoodie.

 

And one last piece of good news…. Perry, the producer who has been working with me on my upcoming album has received an award for “best produced independent blues record” for a blues recording he worked on just before I went in the studio last March. Maybe it’s a good omen for our record.  Maybe that is the course of the current I must accept to follow.

 

Well I should run.  I love you all. Miss you all.  Stay warm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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10 Responses to “Let it take you there.”

  1. bobskoot Says:

    Oh Danielle:

    you’ve gotten me to shed a tear. Those people don’t know what they are missing by not replying to your emails. What a desolate place where you are with harsh winters. I hope the weather turns for you this weekend for your “last” ride of the season to a place with “connections” to be made

    take care
    bob
    Riding the Wet Coast


    • Hi Bob, Thank you, first I felt embarrassed (you know why) Then your message made me smile. I don’t want to seem helpless or troubled. There are no coincidences. I cherish your friendship, I’ll always remember meeting you in Vancouver, it was like seeing the fruits of communication come to life. I will get that hoodie…
      Thank you so much for being there all along this journey. Good is coming. Good is here. Hugs


  2. We are following you. Hoping for warmth during Winter. We are at Mom’s place – hoping that is is haunted by her spirit. Music and laughter.

    We all miss you.


  3. Oh wow, you’re not that far… I will take your wishes for warmth…. they already warm my heart. I hope you’ll enjoy being at your mom’s house, that place is magical. All my love to you, Sunny and Rossi

  4. Danielle Liard Says:

    Guilt on not fitting in, being alive, all of that? Hey honey, your song Criminal girl answers that very well. One man said: ‘the two biggest crimes in this universe are being there and communicating’. So go right ahead and be that type of criminal. And as far as being different, join the club. If you got it, flaunt it! (And you sure have got it, in spades!)

    Pass on my congrats to Perry on his win.

    Dani

  5. Flip Says:

    Danielle, before you park your bike, put some fuel stabilizer in the tank and take it for a short ride, then park it on the centerstand with the battery disconnected. It will be much easier to resurect when you are ready to ride it again. I put a trickle charger on a lamp timer for an hour a day.


    • Thanks Flip for the info… I have more questions : I need an oil change, the BMW guy might not be able to get to it until the snow comes. He said I could just remove the old oil and leave the filter. My question is : what is the best thing to do with the oil when you store the bike? Is leaving the old oil in a bad idea? If I just change the oil and not the filter would that be bad? And…
      trickle charger : is that what the “battery tender” does? Would it be OK to just remove the battery and keep in in the house? and how would you set up that light timer?

      lots of questions!!! let me know if you have a minute!
      d

      • Flip Says:

        Danielle,
        Used oil has acids and other byproducts from the combustion process. It can damage your engine’s bearings. I recommend storing it with clean oil. I usually change my filter every other oil change. I change my oil every 3k miles on a water cooled engine and 2k on an air cooled engine.
        A Battery Tender is a brand of trickle charger.

      • Flip Says:

        It is ok to bring the battery inside.
        You can get a lamp timer in any hardware store… Plug your charger into it and set it to come on one hour per day.


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