Birthday thank yous

December 7, 2011

Thank you.

Yes, thank you to all of you for being.

I woke up energized this morning.  I was very thankful for that as some days I am still dealing with health issues that leave me struggling to find the energy to open my eyes, so this was a great gift.

Today is a bit different, it`s my birthday.  Not that I’ll do anything outrageous, but somehow, I’ll treat myself a little special and won’t be so hard on myself.  So, I went out for coffee, to my favorite place : Bridgehead.  The coffee shop gets full at lunch hour with office workers on lunch break so you have to share tables wherever a seat is available.


I asked this lady if I could sit at her table and she said yes.  No one has ever said no so far, but the correct etiquette is to ask.  I had plans to work on a song after reading the daily news.  I find the coffee shop atmosphere conducive to a sort of “concentration in the noise”  as if working at home by yourself in silence made you more self-conscious.  But my work plans got quickly derailed.


turkish coffee anyone?

I ordered my double long espresso, sat down,  enjoyed drink and read.  And that is where it happened.  The lady across the table said :
“What kind of coffee drink is this?”

“Double long Espresso.”

“Oh it looks so good with the creamy part on top…”

“This place makes one of the best long espressos downtown and I am a coffee addict!”

We started to chat.  I haven’t had a chat like this with a stranger in quite a while.  This conversation made me smile very widely.  Her name was Irenny, (Body parts she said : ear and knee, she volunteered that as  a memory trick!)   We had such a good time, we talked art, feminism, coffee, life…

I can’t begin to express the joy it gave me.  Sometimes, moments like this give meaning to your existence. Just being.  Sharing.  See through someone else’s eyes for a moment.

My birthday being in December, is always a bit of my time to look at the year that was and the year coming, a rehearsal of sorts for the New Year’s reflexions and resolutions.

One of the wishes I received today went like this :

” I send you love and wishes for continued adventure in the flow of your heart’s desire.”




the flow

The flow of your heart’s desire
.  It stopped me in my tracks.

Wow.  How profound.  How right.  How simple.  To find my heart. Wash off all the fears and the uncertainties and the defensive blindness that cover it.  Ad-venture to go where I have not dared going before.  Magic will appear.  I know it.
So, once more thank you for your love, your friendship, your strength, your understanding, your beauty.  Thank you for traveling with me.  You are my birthday gifts every time we reach out and connect.







Rumi’s words reaching

December 1, 2011


December first,

Once more I get this “how can this be?” thought about the speed of time flying by and all of the coincidences that got me to sit here on the eastern side of the continent awaiting the next snow.

Time… it seems to go so fast, then so slow. It vanishes yet stays with you. Like the ocean.

I can just see myself…. 80 years old, sitting at a keyboard somewhere, somehow wondering how I made it so far, looking back at the long thread of  life, still patiently accumulating days like knitting an endless scarf of so many colors.

Last night I read Rumi again. Rumi is a sufi poet, philosopher from the 13th century.   Every time I read Rumi, my heart lifts. He touches upon something I have been hunting, searching for.  Through his words, I glimpse into the grail…

On the road I approximated the quality of being he talks about I felt the hand of the Gods guiding me, I wasn’t the director of the movie but a vibrant, exalted actor deeply into the performance grateful to be a part of the cast, in a conscious trance, approaching a sort of imperfect perfection, finding peace in the current that carried me. Being exactly where I was meant to be without engineering every single move.


I have not been on the bike much at all lately, I have been closer to our well organized, cyclic, somewhat frantic societal grooves. What some would call REALITY.

Well… To be honest, and more accurate, let’s say that I’ve been orbiting fairly close to REALITY.  I’ve not landed and settle on it’s shores yet.   I’ve had the luxury to observe and ponder. Where do I go now?

Rumi has a poem in which he talks about the 4 birds one does not want to be : The rooster of lust, the peacock of wanting to be famous, the crow of ownership and the duck of urgency.   Sounds like modern society.

So as I loop around the earth at altitude I ask myself : what will I do when I land? Do I have to land? Or can I launch deeper into the far reaches of unknown galaxies?


More to the point is what can I dare dream? I have seen it over and over: what you believe, what you think acceptable, inevitable, is what happens to you. Good or bad.  It is a sick feeling indeed that you feel, the moment you realize that all was in your hands. The deck, the plays, the hits and the misses, they were all yours all along. To SEE, to realize with such vividness the simplicity of it and all the games you played with yourself not to SEE, to be right, to be blind. It is hard to swallow.  I remember such a moment.  The magnitude of it.

I wonder where should my steps take me?  What should I do?  But maybe a different question should be brought forward :  How open can I be so as to let my fate unravel unimpeded?


All my judgments, fears, pre-conceived notions, expected outcomes… Can I dismiss them? Can I be so open as to let magic flow through me without questions?  Like accepting curves and changes….  No, no, not accepting; willingly welcome them.  Like swiftly riding a bike on an unknown mountain road without touching the brakes, leaning forward and in the curves, trusting, hands light on the bars…  That is closer, truer.

At one time I had stopped playing guitar for almost 2 years. I was done…  One day, I was invited to play on a tour, I would sing my songs and also accompany 2 other singers on guitar… I went back and forth then said yes with a mantra of contributing, I was going in there not worrying about how many tickets, albums, seats we sold, if people liked me, if I was good enough… I was just going to contribute to the band, the show, the music, to load the van, set up the gear, be humble and help all around. Just contribute.  No ego.

On that trip, one night as we played this gorgeous venue I had a solo on a fairly intricate jazz song. I launched into and it happened. I disappeared. I mean the ego disappeared, I was a conduit. I felt the bolt of inspiration, of knowing going through my mind, hands, instrument and out into the world, it was a glorious moment of abandon, of unexplicable Truth.  The music was so beautiful. Real.  I had been touched by the Gods of music. I’ll never forget that. I believe it happened because I had surrendered.

I believe life can be lived like this. I know it can. There is just so much magic out there. If I can only just let the fear go, let the waters flow, so I can once more just be a molecule, or as I had written in New Mexico, a speck flying in perfect synch within, without and inside and out of this universe.

Game on.