5 hours and some

August 9, 2012

follow the finger

Thursday morning.

Merced.  I just got back out in the world after a good night’s sleep.  I became a rock.  I slept through and the world could have been blown to bits and I would not have known.

Starbucks.

There is a Starbucks just next to the Motel 6.  I packed the bike then walked over.  Life is sparkling.  People, one filling up a job application with such intensity, oblivious to us all, another reading in such a calm aura, a couple from my hotel, obviously from Europe are not sure how to get their food and coffees, the woman is impatient and the man stands around politely waiting.  A beautiful black working man gets his giant Frappuccino.

Life so alive.

A fly lands on my arm, I wave it off.  The blenders blend furiously the many drinks. The sun is high and bright, it’s late already, 11:07.  I decided to sleep then meditate instead of rushing out to try to get an hour of cool.

Last day on the road before destination.

I don’t know how I feel.  I’m good.  I’m tired.  My face is puffy, my body is keeping up with the abuse.  My right shoulder still in the throttle position; stretched forward.

People are beautiful this morning.

Deep breath.

While meditating a question rose : What will I do?   What is my path?

Another deep breath.

The caffeine is starting to course my veins.  What is this thing?  What is this unstoppable desire to live, to experience, to be alive?  All of us…  Pushing through, like the salmon in the stream.  Life, life, life, coaxing, beating, pulling, gently or brutally, as much as you can bear and a little bit more.   Like gravity, want it or not, it is.

Fear of the years passing by, of missing the golden canoe ride down the river.  Wants and needs and desires like the bright neon signs in the desert night.

flower and armor

My hands are slightly thick and stiff.  Motorcycle hands.  The bike sounded so loud to me last night.  Loosening exhaust parts? .  We both need to stop, rest and restore.  There is a little over 5 hours or driving left.  It will be around 100 degrees F.

All these beautiful souls I will reconnect with are just 5,6 hours away.  I don’t know how I feel because I still can’t quite believe I’m here.  17 months since I left and was going to be “right back”.    The “what ifs” raise their hands with questions like eager over achieving students.

What if?

No.  You cannot question.

But what if I was supposed to…

No.  You’re not supposed to nothing.   You just be.  You just face life like you face the road : you commit fully and go on and take  the blind turn and then you will be guided.   Like when I heard “SLOW DOWN” as I was heading to Great Falls in the middle of the night, in the rain, in the cold.  I missed the deer thanks to that voice.    Is it all preordained?

So.  Time to go.  Time to commit to this moment and its factors:  the heat, the fatigue, the loud bike, traffic, road construction and whatever else will appear in my path.

My friends, I’m on my way.  I’m on my way.

the long and narrow road, day and night

Advertisements

4 Responses to “5 hours and some”

  1. John Adams Says:

    Glad your back!

  2. Charlotte Says:

    Wish I was THERE! Soon! : )

  3. Flip Says:

    We sure have missed you. Welcome back!
    My daughter wants to know when your first gig is.
    Flip


  4. ‘Twill be good, all good.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: