Joshua Tree

October 31, 2012

I took off Monday, packed a minimal amount of stuff, tent, mat, sleeping bag, a  couple boxes of sardines (Yes, I like them) some fruit and went East.

I arrived as the moon was rising, at first I thought it was an illuminated dome from a building in the distance and then I realized it was my muse, the moon

 

Then I found a campground and a site, put up the tent in the dark,  I am good at that.  I was really glad to be reunited with my red tent, much more room than the green army minimalist thing I had.

This is my third day.  I am mostly meditating.  I needed some of this desert space.

Last night the coyotes were talking to one another from each end of the campground.  I love it.  I stayed up, most everyone goes to bed so early, I was sitting at my table studying Turkish, then meditated again.

The nights are quite cold.  I had to wear my Gore tex rain gear over top of my clothes in order to stay warm.  I think my sleeping bag has given up, it seems that I used to be able to stay warm even in below 50 weather.  Not now!   But since I was able to stay warm who cares right now.

The days are glorious.  The place is glorious.  I am thankful.

 

skies and Joshua trees

 

The full moon on the first night. I wish I had a better zoom…

 

Arkadaş the magnificent.

 

my campsite

 

don’t be afraid of shadows

 

 

Oh so prickly, looking so soft

 

the desert

 

so beautiful

 

Must go back now.  Go see more.

 

Love you all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quite the day.

At 3:23 I finished the first draft for the book. I was sitting at the Klatch in Rancho plunked the last letters on the keyboard and looked up.  Done.  First draft done…  Holy crap. I’ve been at this since the end of August, putting together 2 years worth of blogs into a story. What a trip… It’s certainly not over. I will need to edit and edit some more, read and re-read and re-edit then the whole aspect of the photography comes into it. But it did feel like a very successful thing and it did feel like I am on target, on par with the Universe.

 

I drove home from the Klatch and I washed the bike, then made some dinner.

 

Then I listened to the masters for the new CD. Yeah, The other thing that happened this week is that I received the final mixed and mastered  masters for the CD that was supposed to have been done in March 2011. I listened on my netbook, then went in the garage and listened to the tracks on the Fiat’s sound System. Some say it’s the best test for mixes.

 

At one point I looked to my left, and there are all these bikes parked there : 1125, Little Blue, and Bruce… Bruce is Melanie’s bike, a Triumph. I thought the name was right for the moment. Triumph over all that it took to get to this point. Melanie would have been so damn proud to hear this, to hear the finished tracks. All these bikes have some meaning, some history to me.  Then I looked at Arkadas, my bike,  so perfect to me, shining, totally clean.  And I reeled into time again, I thought of all the freaking miles that I’ve coursed, all the living I’ve done between then and now. Between starting this album and getting those masters in my hands.  It’s insane.  I wish I could describe the feeling.  Part accomplishment and part disbelief.  Part of me thinks of all the seemed too much to bear, part of me feels like a warrior who survived a battle.  Part of me thinks I have done another work of infinite depth and beauty and that, is why I am still around.   To strive to make things that create space and freedom and hopefully that are beautiful.

 

I cried. There has been so much damn living in the last 28 months. Fear, despair, Love, death, separation, homelessness, There has been so much intense living. Those songs came from some inspiration but now they mean other things, bigger things they have grown with the experiences of my life, they have grown heavy with meaning.

 

What I am going to do with this CD is a big question. I have no clue how I am going to put that out. I don’t have the means to manufacture CDs but then no one buys them.  A few days ago a friend said he might be able to put a video together for the song “Sweet Night For A Ride” maybe that will be the way.  I would love for people to hear some of these… I really would.

 

When we recorded, I gave all I had and I got the best guitar tracks ever in my life. I play all the guitars on there, all of them. For the first time I did not bend to the “maybe I should get someone who can really play to do this.” No one else could have done this job. It was mine.  Thank God for Perry’s masterful handling of the wild horse I can be, he corralled me into playing , into creating with all my heart.   I’m so proud of it.

 

At 9:01  this Friday night I just finished the whole listen.   I sit  by myself, the dogs are barking their heads off outside. The cat sitting on the chair in front of me. Eyes closed, ears alert.  It is so quiet.  And there I am.   One step after another.

 

Those were two big, big steps accomplished today.  I feel this urgency. must take those steps.  To get things done, to not waste a minute, time is of the essence.  Dunno why yet.  Dunno…  But I keep walking.

 

Rain drops.

 

Quiet drumming on walls, fences, roofs

I have not heard the sound of rain since July.

 

The skies were black, tumultuous, threatening

and they loosened their cargo onto the ground

onto the world.

 

The air is cool.

That too is unusual.

 

This all emanates calm, peace.

Somewhere really close, cars race down a freeway

Accidents will happen, days will be ruined

By this wet intruder.

 

Here every living thing is grateful.

Quenched.

 

Thunder rolls in the distance.

The train wails up the road

The computer hums in front of me.

 

Life.

I am alive.

 

Breath

I am alive.

 

Solitude.

Balmy.

Appeasing.

 

Trickling of drops

A certain rhythm.

It rains in California today.

 

 

 

October 10, 2012

Write, write, write

 

I have been in a serious work mode. Ozzy went out of town to work and I got into this non-stop work rhythm.

 

I am on chapter 24, a sort of unrelated numbering of the chapters that follows more the locales than the actual final chapters that will make the final book.  There is a lot of stuff on there.  Keep the meaningful, add what was witheld.

 

June 2010 to May 2012 . It is a bit of a dizzying experience. I could be anywhere in the world as I lose my surroundings completely while I dive into the past, the feelings, the facts and the motivations.  I get out of the process, dazed, gone, huge on the inside, the body forgotten.  I have taken to ride to a different cafe here and there, I think it helps me get into the mode that was in effect when I wrote these blog posts, on the road, anywhere, nowhere.  Then it gives me a blast of reality, jumping on the bike after that and rushing down the freeway, practically flying physically after flying mentally.  Balance.

 

Yesterday I spent  7 hours and today I’ve already logged in 6 and I will continue tonight. It is getting in the  thick, the point where the whole two year loop comes to conclusion, or as much as a conclusion can be drawn from life’s events, flowing into one another, revealing things as you go.  All the threads to form a whole. Hopefully meaningful.

 

I have cut everybody out starting yesterday.   I will do so until Ozzy comes back on Saturday. It is an opportunity I must seize.  So I canceled meetings and rendez-vous.  Some are not pleased, so be it.  I have lived too much of my life doing things to please, appease, make others feel good.  When it comes to Work, it’s easier to respect my own wishes.  What else matters?  We are creative beings and when the muse calls one must respond.

 

I  know that I have to finish these works as soon as I can. I don’t know why. But I do feel a certain urgency. Hence the closing the door for casual visits. It’s all purpose. I don’t know the target of all that purpose, familiar place for me to be, that edge, that unknown.

 

As in the very deepest hours of night, when fear and cold grab you the tightest, when it seems the light won’t ever come back, trust is all one can stand on. Trust that the day will indeed be reborn, the light bringing hope, washing away worry. The answers will come.

Write, ride, play guitar.

 

I still do miss my love. Crazy eh? Everyday, he comes in my mind, visits. My Gift from the Gods. I wrote these poems for him, about him, about us. I am a fool. A fool walking a tight rope with a piece of cotton wrapped over her eyes, feeling, blind yet trusting.

 

Gotta get back to work.

 

Love you all.