On a very personal note,

June 15, 2013

An error.

 

The untangling of incorrect data

 

On some inexplicable whim,

I called him last night.

Heart pounding, but I had to.

Don’t ask why, it was an impulse.

 

“Allo?”

 

Immediately I knew that this endeavor was beyond awkward.

 

“It’s Danielle.”

 

Silence.

 

What followed might not even have occupied a whole minute and some bits

 

“…I guess I’ll let you go.”

 

I hung up.

 

A sliding of ropes, chains, links lubricated by old tears

and cytoplasm leaked from bruised tissue ensued.

My heart wasn’t pounding anymore.

Just slightly tremulous.

 

An end.

 

11 and a half months after the physical ending

The emotional one finally came.

 

I had been bound by an unspoken, unwritten covenant

entered into during a mystical moment

When a  lock had clicked, deep inside

and I had surrendered everything

entering deep into some vault, some mirrored labyrinth,

where I gave all and lost myself wholly

 

I had endowed this thing with a love I should have devoted to God himself.

 

The undoing of an error,

Of a mis-computation.

A grain of sand in the machine

that ground my heart into nothingness.

 

The silence at the other end of the line

Contained all that I should have seen,

All that was never hidden

All that always was clear and indisputable

All that I should have recognized

 

I took a  deep breath.

I picked up my phone

Deleted two numbers: Home. Cell.

The ropes had now reached the dirty ground under my feet, my limbs free.

An error recognized.

And the peace that recognition brings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Responses to “On a very personal note,”

  1. Forrest Robinson Says:

    WHEW!! That picture was very vividly painted and expressed, Danielle! Wow… to break free from those chains was quite an effort indeed. You now stand at the door to yet a NEW journey…

    Seraphim


  2. I am relieved that you know that peace is here now for you.

    The inexplicable process of grief

    Oh the heart is a soft place
    where small and great dreams take seed

    Some take root while others flourish for a short while and pass away

    To give way to hope found in a dark secret place

    The invisible private place of the soul

    e

  3. Açalya Says:

    After this, you must have a big inspiration. Use it for writing a new song. It’s going to be darn good.

  4. Danielle Liard Says:

    Love to you from your friends.

    Danielle

  5. Chris Percy Says:

    Good for you Danielle. Sometimes thats what it takes to find closure. You are stronger now. C


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