16 hours to the New World

October 14, 2014

In 16 hours I will leave for Los Angeles,
I have packed the smallest bag ever, one change of clothes, underwear, toothbrush and laptop. I realized that I will sit the 11.5 hour flight in a middle seat… maybe I can make myself sleep most of the way… The last two days have been so uneventful, I found myself bored, floating, waiting.

I had a last concert on Saturday at Atölye. Mesut made an announcement about my leaving before we started to play, it was quite moving. I am very much loved and it is something that means so much to me. Love is really all we have, all that has any value. We played 3 sets, until 3 in the morning that is until they stopped us because of late night noise restrictions with the neighbors. We played to a few different sets of customers who would flow in and out from hour to hour. I cannot say enough how much I enjoy playing with Barış and his cello. The more we play, the deeper we dig into the music. He has a way to really make my songs come to life. I was also very lucky, my new friend Uğr filmed most of the performance, so I have footage, for which, again I am so thankful for. I learned lately that the really cool footage that had been taken of Eren and I has been lost. So for Eren and I, it is but a memory, but for this I’ll have video.


Before the show started as we were eating, the good people at Atölye always feed us when we get there, I was telling Barış about my trip. I had been wondering if I would play with him again. In true Istanbul fashion things can change so very fast and as wonderful as the music we make is, it could just be a memory too, my temporary leaving as an ending. But as we chatted he said to me:

“I will wait for you.” That too moved me deeply. While I am away we will put a set list together and he will looking into arranging this music for concert performances and to organize such concerts. Something to really look forward too upon my return.

At the end of the show, we packed our stuff and again headed out to hang out at Ekrem’s workshop. I got to play this incredible handmade classical guitar again, then, bone tired, I returned to Chillout and went to sleep.

Sunday night we had decided Barış and I to play at Chillout, a sort of rehearsal, no pressure thing. The audience was sparse but very appreciative. All friends.



Then Monday, then Tuesday… I am pretty much watching the sand glide through the hourglass until departure.

Los Angeles… I bought all these tickets, now I am almost penniless. But I do trust in the process. The business at hand is to relieve Steve and Sunny of all my belongings sitting in their garage. They have been so incredibly generous with me, they will sell the house in a near future and I must take care of all this, unburden them. The big question on my mind is how am I going to dispose of all this stuff? What should I do with the motorcycle, do I keep it, do I sell it? My heart wants to keep it but again, it becomes a responsibility for someone else while I am away. The sculptures… tools, childhood souvenirs? Music equipment. I was keeping some of this with the idea that one day I would resume life in these parts and that stuff would be the basis of my home. But my relationship to things has changed so much. I need so little now. Keeping this makes no sense. I trust that the answers will present themselves.

I wonder how North America will feel now after being here that long? My stay here so far has taught me so much, has given me so much. How will the old stomping grounds will look to my eyes now? One thing sure, is that I cannot wait to see my friends. Those will be incredible moments.

For the rest, Inşallah.


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