Slowly, slowly

October 15, 2017



Morning, new home, new people, new place, outside the sun is brilliant. It has not sunk in yet, my new location, my new life. I had a dream, then a second one and I obeyed them and here I am. Ayvalık. The last 6 weeks have been replete with much motion. First a journey along the Aegean sea, then this trip to Canada, via Amsterdam to Montreal, Vancouver, back to Montreal and Istanbul and now Ayvalık. I think of all the friends I met, saw again, it had been a long, long time for some. I have not absorbed everything yet. It seems I need to meditate on each meeting anew and integrate all that happened.


My heart swelled with so much emotion, every meeting bringing a different aspect of myself, like a disco ball reflecting light in all directions. Now it seems I should try to sit still for a moment but instead of sitting still I went for a walk over to Cunda Island. Back to the quiet beach I had found when I was here in September. It’s a 16 km walk from my home to there and back but I could not get my mind to stop or my eyes to absorb what was around me thoughts swirling and turning meaninglessly in my head. Finally I arrived to the beach, it’s getting late, the days have shortened since I was last here and the coolness is just about to set in but nevertheless I entered the sea water and swam for a while. There is a magic in these waters, a healing. After I sat on the flat rocks until I dried, finally able to ingest the energies, the air, the light, the sounds surrounding me, zooming into present time.


On the way back the winds awoke. It became cool and almost cold. I could understand how fall will feel in a few weeks. It’s a tough wind, the physiognomy of the trees exposed to its force tells their story of resistance. The sun going down, an amazing show of light. I started to re-center into the present. Finally. A couple of cars stopped by offering me a ride but I declined politely, preferring to walk. Back into Cunda I waited for the minibus, a dog was lying down there, he was really cute with long, tawny hair and white spots around his nose.


The bus came, we took our seats, everyone knew each other, chatting, laughing, a couple of very old men infused with body pain and walking with canes came on, they were greeted warmly by the other commuters. Night was coming and on the horizon it was dark blues and purples and deep, deep orange slowly disappearing.

I arrived home tired and happy, Levend was home and we started to chat. He has this amazing bas-relief he created, a scene with someone that looks like a king with 3 men on each side, they look Asian. I asked him what it was, he said it is an old, pre-Muslim custom this ancient Turkish tribe had; when the son of the king was in age and ability to take over the power, the old king and his closest people would kill themselves together with poison in a ceremony. This was to allow the new king to reign without interference from the older powers… this culture is full of surprises.

We ate together. Shared tea. The night was calm. Slowly, slowly I am settling in.



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