Thoughtful in Romania

July 24, 2018

a58

Tuesday July 24th. I have been a nomad for 10 months, I mean by that that I have not had my own home since September 2017.  In September 2017 I gave up my room in Kasimpasa, gave up my bed and all unnecessary things to fit my life into a backpack and head out into the world.  At first it was going to be a vacation, but then I crossed the Atlantic to Canada, returned to Istanbul to move to Ayvalik for a few months, then I camped in Istanbul for 2 months, then it was France, Italy, Czech Republic, Romania, USA, Poland and Romania again and in between all this passing through a long list of countries and cities.

I now sit in Romania, in a fairly dark room at the front of Ami’s house, in a village called Bocsa. It is quiet, peaceful, I hear birds, dogs, a tractor go by, a chain saw in the distance, the daily train with its wistful whistle.  I am surrounded by a cat, 3 dogs and a litter of puppies, with me are two other Workawayers, one from Russia the other from America and of course Ami and Marti.  The life is idyllic.  No rush, no stress, much much love and caring.

I have been wanting to write for a while but held myself back because In 24 days, on August 17th a long awaited answer will come. I felt I had to stay silent until then but I decided to compromise and be silent about some things and speak about others.

In California Pat told me that he thought I should continue writing this blog, others did too. I have been ambivalent about it, wondering the value of writing all these personal things on a completely public platform. Nowadays there are a plethora of writers who have so much to say about everything and anything and so much of it just a self centered light on oneself.  Is it necessary?  Like my music, again, ambivalence, yet people tell me it is good for them, that it has value, my music like the blog at times feel to me as  such a selfish sort of activity.

Lately I have been reading Jane Roberts’ books, more specifically the Seth books. In those I have found fundamentally different point of view on our existence here in this dimension, as humans on this earth. What if all was absolutely perfect, down to the oil spills and the tyrants? What if my life is not some random accident of a faile contraceptive process and that all was meant to be? What if all of us are not accidents? What if we all chose to be here to experience our glorious journeys?

In those books, (the nature of reality, the magical way, the nature of mass events) the describes the multidimentional reality of human life, the immense power we have, the two “frameworks” from which we exist and create into this world, the 3 dimensional life, living reality that we know and the inner dimension where the intelligence of the cells, the body, its connection to the intellect and to the world and the universe and other dimensions of live where we lead parallel lives, experiences.  The multitudinous layers of the self, the soul.

Our thoughts create reality. we’ve all heard this and we say we believe in them, but we keep following and reacting to our beliefs without questioning them, we sometimes fight bitterly for them instead of really looking at them. The way many of us accept and surround their lives with “news” “information” that carry so much negative and violent, hopeless data without realizing that these will inhabit the mind and color all thoughts, hence continually re-create their reality.

In my nomadic life, I decided not to focus on the news. Partly that decision came after reading Emile Zola’s 20 tomes of the Rougon Macquart family. In there he describes over a few generations the life of a family.  We follow the different characters, rich, poor, doctors, farmers, politicians, business owners, etc.  all through the 19th Century. One of my big light bulb moment was that I was reading about the exact same problems we complain about today with the exact same words.  Nothing has changed but the clothing and the technology. Why? I think it is because our culture is basically the same.  We accept the same philosophies, expect the same results, complain about the same problems and never stop to observe and change our societal process.  We react to things with the same types of violence, reproduce the same inequalities and then we say “that’s just the way it is” denying the immense power of creation and ability innate to the human race stuck between dogmatic religious ideas and rigid narrow minded scientific dogma that leaves any “un-provables” out of the equation.

I see in my own life, I see these kinds of patterns where I have not been able to observe, understand and consciously make a decision of change, where accepted cultural habits and mores direct my thoughts and actions with automaticity. I also observe that where I decide to change, change occurs.

from this nomadic standpoint, I cannot hold on to much of anything that will fit in my backpack.  Neither can I hold on to too many cultural ideologies as I cross a full landscape of countries and cultures.  I have to adapt.  That allows me to be more detached from the materiality of life. One of the first things I had to let go of was fear. Hypnotized by fear I am sure to fail, to let myself down.  Following that, I have to let go of  the concepts of being weak or lesser or not good enough, again, if I think that way, it’s an instant plunge into a whirlpool of insecurity where there are no options.

From that same nomadic standpoint what becomes also unavoidable is that joy of being appreciative of the beauty, the excitement of being alive in the very moment.  The taste of food, the feeling of a good bed or a hot shower. The goodness of people, the perfection of the happenstance of the moments that unfurl one after another.

When I rode my motorcycle, into this solo meditative bliss, I became really good at being at peace with everything. It was when I came back to live a ‘normal’ life with people that I was deeply challenged.  How to live with people?  It was very difficult, I ran into all sorts of reactions and situations, from lust to anger, to desire, envy, all sorts of behaviors that felt suddenly so alien and incomprehensible. I fought, ran away, cried and raged and ran the gamut of human misemotions, trying to deal with this.

Realizing one’s native spiritual power allows one to witness the impact one’s decisions making power on one’s environment.  To absorb the full 360 degree meaning of the Law of Attraction, Thoughts Become Things, and Your Thoughts Create Your Reality.  That means not just of the conscious wishes of material rewards like “I want a new car” but to understand that every thought, from your daily complaints to your usual expectations about life, to the automaticisms built-in  by culture and education, to the unconscious suggestions left by media, movies, books, music and on and on.  The reality we live in is the construct of all the members of its society and we are part builder in there.  The dreams then become tools of change, very powerful tools of change if we allow them to exist.
Very soon I will be heading south, to Turkey, at the moment I plan to stay 3 months, the allowed number of days with my passport. The Turkish residence permit rules are being changed again, I am not sure that I can repeat the process I used before; a touristic purposes residence permit. They say now that you should attain your touristic goals within a year (!) I do see their point! I have already found 3 Workaway hosts: an organic farm in Yalova, an artist studio-shop in Kas and a small horse farm near Antalya, all places I wanted to discover. At the moment I am working at organizing them over the 3 months period.  I will also spend some time in Istanbul , there are friends I really want to see and things I still wish to discover.

I am dreaming of a work space, a well lit studio where I could create, I see the white walls and the big windows, something small, simple, with a tiny cooking space and bathroom not far from nature, ideally right in the middle of it!  I don’t know where that space is yet. But I trust it will appear when the time is right and I will know that I have arrived.

Much love.

a42

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One Response to “Thoughtful in Romania”

  1. Joan Says:

    Ah comme c’est bien d’avoir de tes nouvelles sur ton Blog. J’adore découvrir tes réflexions, et tes stepping stones de ton parcours. Tu te questionne sur l’exsistence et la continuité de ton Blog. C’est normal. C’est une création. De mon côté, je vois ton Blog comme un livre, comme un dessin, comme une peinture, comme une sculpture. Tu y ajoute de tes photographies. Avec ton écriture tu construis ton présent et ton future. Ton Blog c’est ton partage avec l’Univers, mais avant tout avec ta famille et tes amies et amis. Je te remercie de tout mon cœur d’être resté si humble et d’avoir conservé ta simplicité. Je t’embrasse❤️


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