About to depart

July 31, 2018

 

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In less than 12 hours I will have left Bocsa. I made the decision a few days ago. In many ways I wish I could just stay, and in all truth I could stay longer, it always is a big question; stay or go?  When there are deadlines it is easy, all is decided for you.  When you depend on your inner guidance system, it’s another type of knowingness.  I was going to leave last week but the night I decided to go I hurt my back, so that was a definite: “can’t go now” so I postponed for a few days but now it feels like it’s time, well somehow it is never time to leave this place… I will dearly miss Ami and Marti and all the puppies and the cat. The life here is out of time and into its own pace.  We create the reality from our beliefs and what these two have created here is almost a parallel universe that I greatly enjoy.  Ami has been from the first instant like a sister to me, she has been a true angel, to leave her behind is quite difficult, it’s always difficult to leave the people who accept you totally and fully.  But I do feel that, yes, it is time to go, continue on.
My itinerary: August first, I will take a bus from Resitsa, Romania to Sofia, Bulgaria. I will sleep there overnight, enjoy a free breakfast at the hostel and take the 9 AM bus to Istanbul. I chose not to stop and visit Sofia (which I have never been too before) to save money. The Euros go a much longer way in Turkey than they do on the road. It might have been nice to visit Sofia but I can easily come back to Bulgaria in the fall, after the tourist season when I will head north again.  everything will be cheaper and if all goes well, my finances will be stronger. I should arrive in Istanbul late afternoon on the second of August and I have a bed for two nights, after that I will have to see where my fate takes me, by mid month I should head to Yalova for the Workaway.  It will be interesting to see how I feel after being away for 6 months, after have experienced Europe, north America and Eastern Europe, and observe how these different perspective will affect my perception of Istanbul when I experience it anew.

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Today I had a counselling session with the firm doing my bankruptcy, one of those compulsory things required by law. I hoped for “counselling” but was a bit on the light side with the usual warnings “don’t buy what you want, buy what you need”. But in a way the session gave me a feeling that I have passed a landmark. That the process of bankruptcy is completed, that I now can close that chapter and advance to the next.
I heard last night that this August is a time to:

-Pay attention to your dreams, the ones you have while sleeping that is.

-Bring back the energies that you gave away, like old relationships, contracts, agreements

-Simplifying, unifying: Like beliefs, if they complicate life, let them go.
All those rang true,  and on all of those, I will spend time observing and learning.

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How does a seed feel when it is in the earth and senses the sun heating the earth? How does the seed envision his journey?  How does he relishes in his collaboration with the earth, the solar system, the world of plants and animals it belongs to?

I feel I am a seed in the earth and the early spring sun is starting to caress the earth. Some rain washes down to me in my earthly darkness and I begin to feel the call to expand and grow and can start imagining the blooms I will carry.

Breathe deeply and not worry so much. The plan was laid out a long time ago, my presence here is purposeful even if at times I cannot quite understand what it is. There is a lot of love around me, a lot of allies ready to lend a hand, ready to just be there for me.  To be like the plant, the tree, the bird, the cats… be excited to be born, or reborn in my case, in this time and world and honor this gift of life every moment by being fully in it.

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Much love

 

 

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