Update

August 18, 2019

I have been in Romania since July. I left Istanbul heartbroken on July 4th, I left not really wanting to but feeling that there was no other way around the dilemmas I was facing.

I wanted Love to win. I wanted Love. I fought hard for this one, sometimes valiantly, sometimes pitifully, sometimes desperately. A divine intention wrapped in the quagmire of my insecurities. In the end, if you don’t love yourself unconditionally, love is denied. Life seems made that way. it’s the ultimate test; if you do not totally embrace yourself,  the cracks of self loathing become precipices into which you tumble.

love_web

I sit facing the garden, in a little building adjacent to the main house. The sun shines brightly, the birds sing. At the end of the garden is a big wall and beyond that wall (erected to protect from floods) lays a river. I hear the bells from the sheep… they pass daily, this place is idyllic. A little piece of Eden, hidden away,.

There are all sorts of fruit trees and I’ve been enjoying my fruits freshly picked, directly from the branches, apples, pears, peaches, nectarines… What a wonder. It feels like taking a bite of sun… My friends here have been angels to me. So kind, so welcoming.

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I am staying here until September 4th, when I will head to Spain for a 10 day silent meditation retreat. I am looking forward to go through the process, I did it once before, it’s not easy, it’s actually a kind of torture at first, trying to silence the mind while the body and the ego scream at you in all possible ways. But if I can just gain a bit more calmness that would be a win.

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