A new adventure in sight

June 11, 2020

June 6 already. I feel that I am a week behind, but it will have to do. I am getting ready to take the road. After being confined in Poland since March 15 the borders are finally opening, June 15th were the last news.

I spent over 10 weeks in the farm in Precznica.  I left at the end of May to go to another Workaway host, I didn’t know how long I was going to stay as I was waiting for news about the reopening of borders and visa requirements.  I also really needed the change.  The farm had its charms and wonder but it was also very demanding.  It was hard to say goodbye to the horses, the goats and the gardens but the time was ripe.

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I went to a place called Taras Tarczyn. It was out of this world beautiful, peaceful, loving and funny. My host Urian is a Dutch man, he runs this place as an agro touristic venue, people rent rooms and spend week ends in nature. Urian is a painter, a designer, creator, he has a real knack for bringing people together.  We had deep conversations, laughter and a humanity I was in deep deep need.   I helped around with cleaning and various tasks. For someone who didn’t really feel any attraction to Poland now I am carrying memories forever of the beauty of the land and its people. This Lower Silesia  is paradise on earth.

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I stayed for a blessed 10 days, Last Sunday was a very special day, we went to the market and after we drove around, and I got to see more of the region.  We stopped at Beata’s house. She treated us to cheesecake, and then we visited her home. On the second level there was a sort of meditation-ceremony room. As the guys left the room she held me back and asked me to close my eyes. I did. She performed an intense energy session on me, it was as if all my fire burst to life. Tears rolling down my face.

After this we went home, I had to prepare for the concert. The second one this year, and the fourth in … 3 years or so. It’s not easy anymore. My voice has been absent, the sound does not come out willingly…  and playing is not easy either, the coordination, the freedom that is there when you perform all the time is more a memory than a reality and I have to really trust and flow as anxiety can submerge me. I never really felt this sort of thing before, it’s a kind of fear, I’m trying to understand it, I can play by myself but when there is an audience, everything shuts down.

At three people came upstairs, 12 or 14. I started. I played “Clown of the Party” and I was shocked at how sad the lyrics are, then the next song… same thing… I thought, I need to retire these sad songs and write new ones if I am going to perform… I was looking at everyone, they looked so serious, I started to doubt myself. Maybe I am torturing them… Maybe they don’t really want to sit there and listen to me. My voice was working but it certainly was not brilliant. I started to tell the story of the accidental adventuress, my second album, played some of those songs and started to get emotionally engaged in the process.  I finally started to loosen up. At the end they asked for more, I played the Friendship song and that was it. A warm flow of applause started, smiles, I realized that they really enjoyed the prestation.

People came to see me they were deeply moved, a few told me they cried (and they were men!) It was interesting to me, to see to what extent my lack of confidence makes me believe that no one likes me or what I do.

After the concert and the hanging out I spent time with Beata, she too suddenly offered a healing session.  We chanted mantras and she did something with tuning forks on my skull, on my neck and on my heart, it was very deep and very moving.

Two days later I left for Wroclaw.  I have to be out of the Schengen zone by mid July, they made this rule for all the people stuck with expired visas in Europe following the Corona virus disturbances. I have had a dream for a long time: to travel by bicycle.  I thought that  I wasn’t strong enough and had given up on that dream, around year 2000 I suffered a back injury that ended my “cycling career” (I was doing bicycle races) I never thought I could ride again. But this year some things happened, that showed me that I was still strong, that I could still ride, not race, but ride. So I am about to.

I decided to return to Turkey by bicycle.  I don’t want to fly anymore as much as humanly possible.  And I want to see the world, not race through it.  So from Wroclaw to Turkey with a stop in the middle in Romania.  I want to just take my time.  Ride, camp, sleep, ride again.  Stay in nature.

Some weeks ago while the idea was not much more than a feeling, a desire, I had told my mother that I was looking for a bicycle.  She immediately sent me money, which really surprised me and also made me realize how much I wanted this bicycle.  It activated my mind and I really started to look for my ride.  At the time the money she sent was my “budget” but since, unsolicited donations keep arriving after my friends hear about my project.  They sent me money out of the goodness of their hearts.  The Sunday concert also yielded some more funds and things feel more and more possible on a material level.  It really feels like the Universe is opening it’s arms and showing me the way…

I found the bike at the Jelenia Gora flea market last Sunday  I had been looking around the market not having great expectations when I suddenly saw this fine blue baby.  I was looking at it, I tried then suddenly out of nowhere a man barged in the middle of our transaction and offered a larger amount 400 to the seller… I wasn’t understanding what was happening but Urian and his son engaged with the man right there in an animated argument.  For some reason, the seller did not take the higher offer and sold it to me. I took this as another sign.

this is the photo, the moment I saw the bike at the market:

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Two days later I left Taras Tarczyn and came to Wroclaw, with the bike, my bags, the guitar… way too much stuff! My idea is to take 2,3 days to work on my client’s project. (Book III of the dragon books I am illustrating) I am also here so I can get the bicycle equipment I need. My friend made a post on FB announcing the trip and asking if people had bicycle stuff in their basements and garages that they would sell. We got a free tent, now I have to find, hopefully used, the tools, a sleeping bag, a trailer (I will not do panniers as I have to carry my guitar… and the bike is not made to accept panniers so all is perfect in a strange way) all this hopefully by the end of next week at the latest.

Principia, the Go Guitar, the laptop in the bag and me, on the way to Wroclaw

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So here I am.  I think it is about reclaiming my strength, seizing possibility, following my heart and trusting in life.  Stay posted for the developments…

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