How long it has been

December 26, 2021

the fire crackles, the cat sleeps next to me, Christmas just passed yesterday, Christmas 2021. Another year flew by at the speed of light. I don’t know when the last post was written, I am not bothering to look. All I know is that I have thought many times to write something, the thread of a line would start to spin, then I’d give up. Who would miss another person writing another post on the small happenings in one small life?

Today somehow I ended up on Bandcamp, to send a friend a song I had written for her on my last album, I did this after getting a video from her and all her words were somehow tying into the song I wrote 10 years ago, it was about her essence, and it shocked me, you know, the process of writing, when things seem like fantasy but reveal themselves down the road as almost premonitions, like Aventuriere Accidentelle… (accidental adventuress) When I wrote that, I was living this very sedentary life… ten years later I was riding the motorcycle around the North American continent living the stories written in the songs…

I sit in a centenarian Romanian village home. It has decorations like wooden lace along the peaks of the roof. There is no central heating, or hot water heater, I must keep the stove burning, I chop kindling and carry wood. Laundry was a big job last week, three hours of labor to clean the equivalent of a washing machine load and 3 days to dry.

I am in Alunisu, a small village in Transylvania, yes the land of Dracula, but I haven’t seen his castle yet. I stay mostly in the village, I am doing a “Workaway” for Provision Transylvania volunteering, my first task is to make a logo and some other graphical objects for the new web site. Like the village and the lifestyle, the logo is very organic, no vector based graphics or minimalist extrapolations, just the realistic objects that define living with nature here.

How did I land here? Well, it’s a long story, are you up for a long story? Am I up for a long story? It seems that since 2019 and the madness that came with it, my life became a series of escapes and exits. When the borders closed all over Europe in March 2019 I was at a Vipassana center in Poland , we were all shooed away from the deep meditative state into a world frantic and in total panic. I got a ride to Poznan, there I found a hostel, and inside every single person was freaked out. Everything threatened to close with no promise of when it would reopen. From there I went to Gdansk on one of the few running busses to the home of a girl from the meditation center and a few days later I was heading south to a Workaway in the Izeri mountains where I would find horses and goats. The work was hard, in March, April, kneeling in the garden on the frozen earth… I had been living in the city for years and years. I saw that the upbringing on a farm did not carry on physically… every part of my body hurt, but I got stronger.

At one point I had this idea of getting a bicycle, out of nowhere. Then I decided I would go back to Turkey by bicycle… there are many stories here which I’ll pass for now, but I did, with the gigantic help of Kamil, get ready and headed out on the road and made it to Istanbul then beyond, riding about 3000 km that summer, that, after not having ridden a bicycle for about 15 years because of injuries. It was miraculous.

I thought I would get “back home” in Turkey but it did not feel this way. At that time I got a big job making videos for a band and was paid just enough to pay rent and buy food, so I found a cheap little room and set out to work for the next year, minus a 6 weeks break in the summer. So I forgot everything and just focused on working, learning software and trying to make the deadline. In the winter we were treated to lockdowns and curfews and mask wearing. It was much more difficult than when I was on the farm the year before, I really was tough emotionally, psychologically, like most of us know. But lockdowns are one thing if you have a nice home and a garden, if you live in a 10 feet by 12 feet room surrounded by concrete, screaming neighbors and no light, it’s a whole other thing. It is violence.

I finished the project on the last day of August, those last two months I worked 10 hours a day with only 2 days off. I was exhausted as well as exhilarated for having completed the task, freaked out as after working so much, there was no money ahead of me, I was fearing to be in Istanbul for another round of totalitarian measures that do nothing but crush people, on these thoughts I headed out again with the bicycle.

Romania was my first target, I would visit friends, take care of some of my belongings there and find some great Workaway there and learn new things. As it turns out, barely a week after arriving at my friends house, everyone got Covid at the same time. I was sick for three weeks, lost 20 kgs, which shocked me when I climbed on the scale, but finally pulled out of it and then headed back on the road to reach this beautiful Workaway in Translylvania, near the mountains.

There is more… so much more, like the finding of Lumi, my cat… “my cat”…. a dream come true in such an unexpected way.

But today is the day after Christmas, I wonder how to look at the future, if I should look at the future, how to be useful, how to make life make sense. After this trip into the past via Bandcamp hearing a song I wrote, played, produced into the world, made me wonder “who am I?” What of all these gifts? Do I just keep walking a nomadic path without any plans or expectations or should I construct something? Are dreams meaningful or just constructions of the ego? Right now, it’s one moment at a time, one step at a time, like on the bike, up a mountain, one pedal stroke at a time… you always make it to the top that way, nothing spectacular or amazing, just the turn of the pedals, slowly, breathing along with it in a long sustained meditation.